Monday, December 13, 2010

Great Lakes Brand Christmas Ale


Andrew, Ty and I walked into the gas station. I looked at a refrigerator containing beer. I said “Do you have Great Lakes brand Christmas ale?” to a thin, Caucasian cashier. Another, older, obese employee said “We only have what’s in the fridge” while pointing to the refrigerator containing beer. I said "Ok." I walked toward the refrigerator containing beer. I looked at Andrew then said “Oh yeah, they have it” while pointing at the refrigerator containing beer. Ty looked at me then said "Jordan." I gave him two dollars. He purchased a large can of Arizona brand green tea. I said “Can I have twenty on fifteen?” while handing a twenty-dollar bill to the thin, Caucasian cashier. She said “Ok.” I walked outside. I thought “Jesus... it’s cold...” I pressed ‘regular.' I inserted the gas nozzle into my car. I sat in the car. Ty sat in the car. Andrew sat in the car. He handed me a twenty-dollar bill and said “The lady said she would have to I.D. all of us, because like, we were together.” I said “Really” while looking at Andrew’s face. He said something. I said “Like... it’s a 6 pack of Christmas ale... like, you’re visiting from New York... like, we’re all going to get hammered off 2 beers each... and I look like I’m 21” in an expressive tone of voice.

Later, Andrew said “What if I just went back in there with a gun.” Ty and I laughed. I said “You should do that.” We said other things about killing the obese gas station employee. Ty said “We should go back and just like, stand there.” Andrew said “Just stand in front of the beer cooler.” I said “No, like... we could just stand outside and stare at her... until she gets off work... then follow her to her car. And like... to her apartment.” We said other things about harassing and killing the obese gas station employee.


Andrew, Mallory and I walked into Whole Foods. We looked at beer. I looked at an obese employee then said “Do you have Great Lakes brand Christmas ale?” An elderly African American man looked at me and made a noise and a facial expression I perceived as ‘expressing his affinity for Great Lakes brand Christmas ale and, possibly, implicitly, camaraderie due to our alikeness.’ I grinned. I said “Yeah” then something like “You know what’s up” while moving my head. The man said “Woo, man, that’s some good stuff” while touching his stomach. The employee said “We sold out last night... you know, we get it in on Monday and expect it to be gone by Wednesday. This is similar though if you’re just looking for a Christmas ale” while touching a 6-pack of Thirsty Dog brand ’12 Dogs of Christmas Ale.’ I said “Damn, thank you.” I told Andrew and Mallory what she said.

A mildly overweight Italian man in a leather jacket approached Andrew and I after overhearing our conversation and said something. He touched a large bottle of beer then said “If you’re looking for a great Christmas Ale, I’d definitely give this a try.” He touched a 6-pack of ’12 Dogs of Christmas Ale’ then said “This is also a decent Christmas Ale.” I pointed to the large bottle of beer and said “That’s... expensive.” He said “Yeah. Well I mean – you can’t go wrong with this” while touching Thirsty Dog brand ’12 Dogs of Christmas Ale.’ He said something about how the person who started Thirsty Dog brand beer “left” Great Lakes brand beer and uses a similar formula. He said “Plus, Great Lakes is screwing Cleveland over anyway.” I said “How... are they screwing Cleveland over?” He said “They’re trying to go national and they’re screwing over local buyers.” I said “Oh, damn.” We talked about beer for a period of time.


Andrew walked into ‘Bottles.’ I saw him looking at beer. I saw him holding a 6 pack of Coors Banquet brand beer. I saw him reach into a refrigerator then walk toward the cash register holding a 6-pack of Great Lakes ‘Burning River’ brand beer. I saw a female purchase one watermelon flavored Four Loko brand malt beverage then drive away alone.

Andrew got in the car. He said “They didn’t have Christmas Ale, so I got this.” I said “Burning River, sweet... that’s my favorite of the Great Lakes brand beers... like, besides the special ones.” He said something like “Yeah, the name sounded pretty special so I got it.”


  1. really enjoyed reading this, jordan. laughed at the convo about different brands of holiday ale in the second part. good job

  2. I like the woman buying four loko.

  3. next time you're in kent, try acme. i thought of your post after walking there in a blizzard and decided i should buy myself a six in your honor.

  4. Good stuff. Today I am going to cycle to Lewes and pick up some of this:

  5. @alexis, sounds good, thank you
    @giles, thank you, sweet