A Conversation Between An Old Black Man, An Old White Man and Myself

Inside of a Post Office, Mid-Afternoon

Old Black Man: Daaaayyyyuummm...

Me: [nervous laughter]

Old Black Man: Dis place look new. Dis a nice place ya got here.

Me: Yeah... It's actually like, kind of new. Like, it used to be over there [points right] but it moved here like, a few months ago.

Old Black Man: And it's nice outside too! For wintertime I mean. Dis place nice doe, dis place nice. I be like... I was like... comin' from Severance... Up on Miles? Or - I mean, Miles, and, uh, this is just way easier to git to y'know?

Me: [nervous laughter]

Old Black Man: Everything is so spread out nowadays.

Me: Yeah.

Old Black Man: I mean, I could do this online, and pay with my... with my debit card, y'know? But then people be... people be stealing yo number and what not. [Loud noise, expressing disbelief]. You never know what people are gonna do nowadays. It's crazy. Life is crazy now. Life is... [Loud noise, expressing disbelief].

Me: Yeah... Man... But... Hasn't it always been crazy?

Old Black Man: That's what I'm sayin'. Life is crazy. [Turns to Old White Man, standing behind me in line]. You know what I'm sayin' my brotha? Life is crazy. You just don't know anymore. You get old and you just don't know.

Old White Man: [Stares blankly ahead for ~10 seconds]. You know... I was just hearing on the radio... Teachers being accused of having sex with students.

Me: Jesus...

Old Black Man: Real?

Old White Man: It was just on the radio. On the way here. I was listening on the way here. A female teacher accused of having sex with an 8th grader. A student. But then it's like, people are saying that they bribed her. You know? And a lot of people were calling in saying she's innocent. But who're you going to believe - the 8th grader or the teacher? There weren't any witnesses.

Old Black Man: You don't say.

Old White Man: I would not want to be a teacher nowadays.

Old Black Man: Right. And my own kid... I mean... My own damn kid. But... I mean... It was for some girl. But my own damn kid, can you believe it?

Me: [grinning] I... I believe it.

Old Black Man: Crazy... Crazy... [Walks away].

Old White Man: I would not want to be a teacher nowadays.

Me: [Walks away].

f u winter

today i used a hammer to smash a sheet of ice on my steps.
i was swinging the hammer as hard as i could.
it made me feel really tough and strong.

no one's going to slip and fall and die on the ice.
not on this porch.

Poem Where I Am Cold

Dear Mom,

When I told you in the morning
I had “pocket-called” you
the other night, at 3:32,
I was not telling you the truth.

I had actually left my bag somewhere
and had locked myself out of
my apartment building
and it was cold
and I was drunk
and I didn't know what to do
and the snow wouldn't just
shut the fuck up and let me think
and I thought you could maybe
think for me.

J

Dear Mom,

Actually, I'm not finished.
I rammed the building door
for a while, with my shoulder,
without getting in,
so I rammed another building's
broken door, and got in.

And I slept there, in the hall,
in the fetal position.
Not crying or anything,
just cold.

J

Mom,

I put my headphones on,
and slept very badly.
I don't know what I listened to,
it was soft.

I unscrewed the hallway light,
and felt very tired and cold
and repeated “God didn't mean
to make me like this,”

which is just a thing I say.
You know I don't believe in God.

J

Mom,

A nice man woke me up
at, I think, 7. He asked
if I had somewhere to go.
I told him yes, and I went
to the BP. I thought it
was really nice of him
to ask that.

The leasing office
opened at 9.
I got the spare key and
told the woman (not nice)
that I would bring it
right back, and I didn't.
I went inside
and slept all day,
and into the next day,
when I got your message
asking why I'd called you
at 3:32.

Dear Mom,

I think I mean to start
all of my poems that way,

especially the poems
where I am cold. It is probably
something to do with looking
more like you than dad (I suppose
you'll recall that you never
breast-fed me, so if it's not
how we look, I don't know).

I think probably all poems ever
ought to be read like that,
with the “Dear Mom” implied.

lemon poppyseed cookie from 'robeks'

i just thought 'this might be my last... winter, like, with heat, or...' while lying in bed with my neck 'propped' against the headboard of the bed with a pillow

then i thought something like 'all of the things... that go like, un... un... like, unnoticed or... like, unappreciated... like... ziggy... or...' while feeling a large degree of sarcasm and confusion

earlier, i walked downstairs

in the kitchen, i saw many bagels and a vegan lemon poppyseed cookie from 'robeks'

my mom said 'dad got panera bagels'

i looked at the bagels for a period of time while thinking 'i...' and 'what the fuck is this shit...' and 'apple...'

i looked at apples and bananas

i ate the vegan lemon poppyseed cookie while standing in the kitchen and staring blankly at the space in front of me

i thought something like 'poppyseed... doesn't that like, cause... drug test... opiates... but... weed though' in an incoherent, vaguely 'annoyed-with-myself-for-being-so-retarded' manner

(i think there should be a word for that. a word that means 'annoyed with oneself for being so retarded.' that would be good.)

i don't know

do other people get emails from '@sbcglobal.net' email addresses telling you to send your information to them to claim your [large quantity of british money]?

i have gotten 3 today

SWEATY

I'm walking to class because I just can't miss it.
I don't want to exhaust all my missed classed excuses
this early in the semester.
It's so cold outside that I layer myself:
2 pairs of socks, 2 pairs of leggings, 2 long sleeves.
My legs are sore as I keep tensing up with every
step I take to school passing

slick little snow mounds, and poorly cleared sidewalks.

The trip there has become in its own right an obstacle course.
By the time that I arrive to class
I feel like I resemble some sort of sickly, fatigued looking American gladiator.....
 breathing heavy as I find a place to sit,
 sweaty as fuck,
as the snow keeps falling.

My Dad Used To Be A Marxist, Or At Least He Had A Poster Of Him On His Wall, But Actually Thought Of Himself As A Leninist

My Dad Used To Be A Marxist, Or At Least He Had A Poster Of Him On His Wall, But Actually Thought Of Himself As A Leninist, While He More Closely Resembles Stalin

My dad is a connoisseur of cigars, guns, and nutcrackers.
He sleeps with his shoes on, upright on the couch.
We said, the cat looks too thin, he is going to die soon.
We are all going to die soon,
as he continues biting the heads off of snowmen cookies.

On Christmas my Aunt touched my boobs.
I can touch them if I want when you have them out there like that!
I was wearing a modest sweater.

Later, my brother said he hoped his girlfriend would get him a peacoat for Christmas.
My aunt thought he said “penis,” but why
would his girlfriend get him a penis for Christmas?
I’m pretty sure that is the one thing he definitely has.

My sister danced like a leprechaun,
doing a jig, my grandmother said,
You should drop out of college and work at a strip club!

I had just woken up.
How much have you been drinking since I was asleep?
Girl, you’re so pretty I’m gonna put you in a sack and throw you into my trunk.
What is going on.

Holiday trivia games with my aunt just make things worse.
How many tentacles does a squid have?
100
An octopus has 8, how many tentacles does a squid have?
100
It’s not a centipede.
Oh, then 2.
It’s not bipedal, it’s not going to get up and start walking around.
BIPENAL?! Now, you never mentioned THAT.

No, nevermind.

drinking and driving in minnesota

behind my car
is the place i pissed without
even looking at the ground

and behind there is probably an alleyway
but id rather piss on you in the shower
while im laughing

gently and steadily
while you avoid one warm stream of water
among so many

and i pause thinking i should finish
but keep going
in an attempt to defend what i just did

whatever
it was as funny as it could have been

i know

i wont laugh anymore
and go wash your feet alone
it's so cold in here anyways